


They Don't Make a Greeting Card for This

by Marks



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Embarrassment, M/M, Masturbation, SASO 2017, Walking In On Someone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-21 02:34:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11934522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marks/pseuds/Marks
Summary: Kei wasn’t used to having the house to himself. Someone was almost always at home, but his parents had both scheduled business trips for the same week, and everyone decided Kei was responsible enough that he could just stay home alone. The full weight of that decision hadn’t occurred to him until he got home from volleyball practice and was able to enjoy wonderful, blessed quiet.He ate strawberry ice cream for dinner.He blasted his music on his dad’s fancy sound system.He sat in the bath so long that his fingers got pruney and his hair puffed up.And then he jerked off.





	They Don't Make a Greeting Card for This

**Author's Note:**

> Written for SASO Bonus Round 7: Free-for-all! This is probably my last standalone SASO fic for this year, though I've got some shorter ficlets I'll probably compile together into a single work.
> 
> hibari1_chan prompted [this image](http://i.imgur.com/oMpmFj4.png) of a sister walking in on her brother saying, "I guess I can get off to men as well." And well, this is the result. :D This fic is more Akiteru & Kei heart-to-heart than Tsukkiyama, but Kei's pretty obviously smitten.

Kei wasn’t used to having the house to himself. Someone was almost always at home, but his parents had both scheduled business trips for the same week, and everyone decided Kei was responsible enough that he could just stay home alone. The full weight of that decision hadn’t occurred to him until he got home from volleyball practice and was able to enjoy wonderful, blessed quiet. 

He ate strawberry ice cream for dinner.

He blasted his music on his dad’s fancy sound system.

He sat in the bath so long that his fingers got pruney and his hair puffed up.

And then he jerked off.

Now, obviously, Kei was seventeen, so that wasn’t something he usually waited to do until he was alone in the house. But he was so used to doing it under the cover of darkness, shoving his face into his pillow and biting his bottom lip to keep quiet, that he just knew he had to take advantage. He still shut the door and did it on his bed because it felt too weird otherwise, but the novelty was nice. Kei liked being able to breathe as loudly as he wanted to, liked letting out little moans and then bigger ones as he went from picturing the woman who ran the school store to the former model weather lady from his mother’s morning news show.

For a couple of minutes there, he was pretty proud of himself, keeping his thoughts decidedly heterosexual for once, but the second that thought intruded, so did that afternoon’s volleyball practice. And as soon as that happened, any thoughts of girls flew out the window. Instead, as usual, his head was filled with thoughts of Yamaguchi: Yamaguchi looking serious as he hunched over for a receive, Yamaguchi shouting for the ball as sweat ran down his face, Yamaguchi bending over to tie his shoelace, Yamaguchi stripping off his soaked jersey in the clubhouse after practice, Yamaguchi grinning and punching Kei’s arm as they walked home together.

Kei found himself just mouthing Yamaguchi’s name at first, then whispering it, getting louder and louder with each repetition, once he remembered no one could hear him. By the time he was right on the edge, too far gone to slow down, he let out one more “ _Tadashi_ ” in a drawn out moan and rolled onto his side as he came over his fist.

“Tadashi’s here?!” said Akiteru’s voice from the other side of Kei’s door. And then his door slammed open, giving Akiteru an eyeful of his out-of-breath brother’s bare ass. His only younger brother, who was alone in his room and shouting his oldest friend’s name. His friend who, as both Kei and Akiteru were well-aware, was a guy. “Oh shit, Kei. I’m so sorry,” Akiteru said, sounding panicked. 

Kei had to guess that he was panicked based on the sound of his voice because he hadn’t moved. If he could help it, he’d never move from this spot again. In a million years, paleontologists would uncover the remnants of a teenage boy’s bedroom and find a skeleton curled into the fetal position because Kei was ready to die of embarrassment.

Then, thankfully, Akiteru closed the door and left.

A while later, after his heart stopped pounding wildly inside his chest, Kei got dressed again and cleaned himself off. He sat down on the edge of his bed, clutching his blankets tightly in his fists and jiggling one of his legs violently. He hadn’t even fully accepted how he felt about Yamaguchi to himself; he was far from admitting it to anyone else, especially not _Akiteru_ , and now his dumb brother knew everything. Kei let out a shaky breath and wondered what he should do next.

Then there was a knock on Kei’s door.

“ _Now_ he knows how to knock?” Kei muttered to himself.

“Kei,” Akiteru said, sounding about as mortified as Kei felt, “I’m so, so sorry about that. Come downstairs and talk to me. I made soft udon in broth, just the way you like,” he added in a sing-song voice.

 _I liked that when I was seven_ , Kei thought ungenerously, especially given that it was still one of Kei’s favorites and the dish his mother made any time he was sick. But his stomach, filled only with strawberry ice cream, turned over and he realized he could use something to settle it. With great effort, he got to his feet and dragged himself toward the kitchen.

A steaming bowl already sat at Kei’s usual place while Akiteru busied himself at the counter. “When I was fifteen, Mom walked in on me, um, you know. Doing the same thing,” said Akiteru to their kitchen backsplash. He turned around and brought his own bowl to the table. “So she made me noodles after – her way of saying we could just act like everything was normal.”

“What, you mean they don’t make a greeting card for Relative, I’m Sorry I Walked in on You Masturbating?” Kei asked, deadpan, leaning over his bowl to cover for the way his face heated up just getting those words out.

Akiteru laughed. “I guess not.”

Kei grunted as he slurped down some noodles, letting them lapse into silence. He had to admit Akiteru did a pretty good job imitating their mother’s cooking. “Didn’t anyone teach you to knock?” he finally asked, once he was about halfway finished.

“Yeah, yeah,” Akiteru said. “My bad. I just thought you could use some company this week and they don’t need me at the office till tomorrow evening.” 

“’My bad,’” Kei scoffed. “You sound so old.”

Akiteru rapped on Kei’s knuckles with his hand. “I’m old enough to remember when you used to be cute,” he said. Then, he cleared his throat. “So. Tadashi, huh?”

Kei groaned. Why couldn’t they go back to being siblings who never talked to each other, like they used to be?

“I can’t say I thought my cute little brother was into that,” Akiteru said, because he was physically incapable of shutting up, “but Tadashi’s a nice boy. You could definitely do worse.”

“We’re not doing anything. Because he doesn’t know and he never will,” Kei said savagely, lifting up his bowl to drain the last of it. “You think I’m drowning in friends over here?”

If Akiteru was surprised by Kei’s answer, he didn’t show it. Instead, he propped his head up on one hand stared thoughtfully at Kei for a bit. “Tadashi’s a nice boy,” he said again, “and it’s not like I’m an expert on guy-on-guy relations, though I use the internet, so I see things sometimes –“

“Please stop talking,” Kei begged.

“Anyway,” said Akiteru, “I just don’t think Tadashi’s going to stop being your friend, even if he doesn’t return your feelings, you know?”

Kei folded his hands on the table and looked down at them grumpily. There was no way he returned Kei’s feelings. It was an impossibility, a pipe dream, a dumb teenaged fantasy –

“But, and I know this is going to sound crazy to you because I know how your giant overthinking brain works, what if he does? You’ll never know unless you try. Bravery is an attractive quality in a guy.” Kei looked up before he could stop himself and Akiteru grinned at him. “At least that’s what women have always said about me.”

“God, you’re the worst,” Kei complained, and swatted his brother in the arm. He stood up and started to walk out, pausing in the doorway. “Thanks for the noodles, Niisan. They were good.”

Akiteru’s stupid eyes welled up because of course they did. “You’re welcome,” he said in a wavery voice, and Kei fled back to his room as soon as possible.

*

The next day after volleyball practice, Kei lingered for a bit, waiting until Yamaguchi was done getting changed. Most of the team had left already because Yamaguchi was a slow-poke, the same way he’d been as long as Kei had known him. But there was nothing unusual in this, nothing more than their normal routine.

“You ready to go, Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asked, flashing him a million-watt smile.

“Yeah,” Kei replied. Then he paused, and shut the door to the clubhouse. “Actually, Yamaguchi, can I talk to you for a minute?”


End file.
